"I'll tell you, to be honest, I was quite nervous about this whole thing. And I was really nervous about an apology to Sarah Palin. So what I did to get my confidence up, to get my nerves to settle down, I rehearsed by apologizing to Tina Fey." --David Letterman
"You know who was in town this weekend, went to a Yankee game? Sarah Palin ... One awkward moment, though, during the game. Maybe you heard about it, maybe you saw it on one of the highlight reels, one awkward moment for Sarah Palin at the Yankee game. During the seventh inning, her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez." --David Letterman
"Sarah Palin made a speech in Alaska and she said that the money the federal government is sending to states to help bail out, well that's not good, because that's the federal government getting in there and trying to 'control people.' Yes that's right, Sarah, it's all about the Federal Reserve making your daughter use a condom." --Bill Maher
"Sarah Palin is all over the news lately. She told Matt Lauer on the 'Today' show that, yes, the rumors were true, on election night she did want to deliver her own concession speech and she was disappointed that she couldn't. Well, she shouldn't feel bad. Wait till 2012. Deliver it then." --Jay Leno
"This is true, according to a new report, I was reading this today in the paper, thousands of pregnant mothers in this country are planning to name their baby Barack. That's true. Yeah, after hearing this, Sarah Palin told Bristol, 'Don't even think about it.'" --Conan O'Brien
"Well, according to a new post-election survey, people want Sarah Palin to run for president in 2012. It says she's been getting thousands of calls from people pleading with her to run, all Democrats." --Jay Leno
"Of course, everybody now is speculating what the future of the GOP will be. GOP now stands for, of course, 'Ganging up on Palin.'" --Jay Leno
"Sarah Palin thinks the alphabet has 22 letters. She's so dumb she thinks the capital of China is Chinatown. Sarah Palin is so dumb, she thinks billboards are postcards from giants. The governor of Alaska is so dumb, she thinks soy milk is Spanish for 'I am milk.'" --"Daily Show" correspondent Wyatt Cenac
"Of course, a lot of famous sound bites will be remembered for this campaign. There were some good ones. Barack Obama saying, what was his one? Oh, 'We are the change that we seek.' John McCain saying, 'I would rather lose an election than lose a war.' Sarah Palin saying, 'Do you have this in size 6?'" --Jay Leno
"President-elect Barack Obama spent the day thanking the people who helped him win the election. Yeah, and actually, Obama's first phone call was to Sarah Palin. He sent her flowers." --Conan O'Brien
"Sources from the McCain campaign are starting to talk. And they said today that when they were prepping Sarah Palin for the debates, they found out that she thought Africa was a country, not a continent. Now, to be fair to Sarah Palin, it is hard to see Africa from Alaska." --Conan O'Brien
"How about Sarah Palin, ladies and gentlemen. Right now on her way back to Alaska. And I'm thinking oh, I wouldn't want to be a moose now. But on the bright side, at least now Tina Fey can spend Saturdays with her family again, so that's a good deal." --David Letterman
"People all over the world are celebrating Barack Obama's victory. In fact, Sarah Palin watched the Russians celebrating from her house." --David Letterman
"You know who is really, really happy that John McCain did not win last night? The boyfriend of Sarah Palin's daughter. He doesn't have to get married now. 'Whew, thank God!'" --Jay Leno
"Actually, Sarah Palin was pretty upset last night. Did you see her? Yeah, well, she wasn't upset because she lost. Now she's got to give all of her clothes back." --Jay Leno
"A lot of speculation about Sarah Palin's future, but last night, she denied rumors that she's getting ready to run for president in 2012. Palin said, 'That's a long time away. I'll be a great-grandmother by then.'" --Conan O'Brien
"Sarah Palin made three campaign stops today: Saks, Nieman Marcus and Bloomingdales." --Jay Leno
"I guess there seems to be some trouble brewing between Sarah Palin and John McCain. McCain aides say that Sarah Palin is 'going rogue' and not taking advice or notes from the McCain campaign. They say it is hard to keep her from going off script and making statements that hurt the campaign. It's gotten so bad, her Secret Service codename is now 'Joe Biden.'" --Jay Leno
"Here's how it works. Election is Tuesday. And then Wednesday is the first day of Sarah Palin's 2012 campaign." --David Letterman
"You know what? This always happens in politics. Sarah Palin, when she gets on the ticket, everybody is going, whoa, how about this? Come on. Look out. Here we go. We got us something here, you know. Now everything has turned around. McCain staffers are saying Sarah Palin has turned into a diva and is making diva demands. Here's what they're talking about. A couple of days ago, Lenscrafters had to stay open after hours so Sarah could shop alone. Today, she hit a speech writer with her cell phone." --David LettermanFollow On Twitter----Premium Domain Names----Funny Political Cartoons
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