"But the kids coming to the White House with their hands out, I mean, and those were just the auto company executives." –David Letterman
"Mayor Bloomberg, poor guy is so exhausted. Here's what happened yesterday. Kind of an awkward moment. He is out there campaigning, so tired, here is what he did, he kissed a blintz and ate a baby." –David Letterman
"Mayor Bloomberg is running against a guy named Bill Thompson. Bill Thompson, Bill 'I'm going to vote for you' Thompson. And he has no money. His largest contribution was a generous $5 check from Regis." –David Letterman
"Well, how about those Afghanistan elections? You know, they had the first one and they thought, well, maybe something hincky with the first one. All right, if something is hincky, let's do it again. And now the opposition candidate Abdullah Abdullah has dropped out of the runoff election. He got the idea from watching the Phillies during the World Series." –David Letterman
"Yeah, no runoff election in Afghanistan. Apparently a second election would be way too expensive to rig." –David Letterman
"So Abdullah Abdullah says he is pulling out because he wants to spend more time with his wife, Paula Abdullah." –David Letterman
"So they've recounted all the votes from the first election in Afghanistan and congratulations to the new president, Al Franken." –David Letterman
"Abdullah Abdullah may be out of the race, but they say in four years his idiot son will be on the ballot. That would be Abdullah W. Abdullah." –David Letterman
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