Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Funny David Letterman Political Jokes

"It's Presidents' Day, ladies and gentlemen. Three-day weekend for most people. Remember President George Bush? Every weekend was a three-day weekend for him." –David Letterman

"Did you have a nice Valentine's Day? Remember the underpants bomber? Remember that guy? He bought his girlfriend some lovely exploding lingerie." –David Letterman

"Everybody celebrates Valentine's Day, whether you want to or not. Even President Barack Obama." –David Letterman

"The Republicans got together and bought him some candies for Valentine's Day that say, 'YOU LIE' and 'NOT TRUE.'" –David Letterman

"You know who was at the Daytona 500? Sarah Palin, former Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin. She was at the finish line, and she waved her checkered past.'" –David Letterman

"Yesterday, there was a big feud between former Vice President Dick Cheney and current Vice President Joe Biden. Cheney is upset with Biden because Biden, when he moved in after they were elected, he closed down Cheney's dungeon in the White House." –David Letterman

"I'm worried about Biden. Do you really want to get in a feud with a guy who shoots people?" –David Letterman

"Here's something to really get excited about. The Winter Olympics: here we go. And, of course, earlier tonight, the opening ceremonies up there in Vancouver. I always enjoy the parade of nations that hate the U.S. Isn't it nice?" –David Letterman

"Yesterday was Sarah Palin's birthday. And Sarah celebrated the same way she does every year — got in a helicopter and was picking off wolf cubs." –David Letterman

"The 'Wolfman' movie opened today. It's about a guy who is half-human, half-beast, and it has a pretty happy ending. In the end, he's elected governor of California." –David Letterman

Follow On Twitter