Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Jay Leno's Return To The Tonight Show

"It's good to be home. I'm Jay Leno, your host. At least, for a while." –Jay Leno, on returning to "The Tonight Show"

"I've got to admit that I'm a little nervous -- not because it's my first night back (but) because I know that Dave and Oprah are watching." –Jay Leno

"We were off for the last couple of weeks. Kind of like the Russians at the Olympics. What happened to them?" –Jay Leno

"We have one of the gold medal winners, Olympic skier Linsdey Vonn on the show tonight. When it comes to going downhill, nobody is faster. OK, except NBC." –Jay Leno

"Well, as you may have heard, former Vice President Dick Cheney is doing fine after suffering his fifth heart attack. He is like the Apolo Ohno of heart attacks." –Jay Leno

"Well, the good news is, the former vice president is doing fine, and his doctors said that sneer will be back on his face in no time." –Jay Leno

"President Bush said today he often turned to prayer during his presidency. Hey, I think we all turned to prayer." –Jay Leno

"Keanu Reeves will star in 'Speed 3.' The first 'Speed' was about a runaway bus, the second was about a boat, and the third one is going to be about a Toyota." –Jay Leno

"I tell you, though. People still have faith in Toyota, even with these massive recalls. The Toyota Prius has retained its title as Consumer Reports' top pick for eco-friendly vehicle. They said it's a great way to get in touch with the environment, especially when it flies out of control and hits the trees." –Jay Leno

"Gatorade has officially ended their relationship with Tiger Woods. He was seeing at least five other sports drinks." –Jay LenoFollow On Twitter