Monday, June 6, 2011

Anthony Weiner Jokes

"Congressman Weiner's Twitter account was hacked 'allegedly,' and someone texted a picture of his 'junior senator' to a college girl. Now this is good news for me because I can Google 'wiener photos' at work and not get fired." –Craig Ferguson

"In real life, in my memory, this guy had a lot more 'Anthony' and a lot less 'Weiner.' ... "The only thing they have in common is that they both lean to the extreme left!" –Jon Stewart, on allegations that Rep. Anthony Weiner, a former housemate of Stewart's, sent out a crotch photo from his Twitter account

"New York Congressman Anthony Weiner has found himself in an uncomfortable position after a photo of what could be him in his underpants was somehow posted for everyone to see via his Twitter account. We had to blur this, but you could definitely see his weiner, and a little bit of schnitzel too I think. It looks like he may have had a Boehner there too." –Jimmy Kimmel

"If I was Anthony Weiner, I'd blame this all on Brett Favre." –Jimmy Kimmel

"If this is a prank, I guess we're lucky they pulled it on Anthony Weiner, and not Colin Powell." –Jimmy Kimmel

"He isn't flat-out denying the picture isn't him. He told Wolf Blitzer it doesn't look familiar. That’s something you’re familiar with. I’m so familiar with mine that if I described it to a police sketch artist, it would be arrested within minutes." –Jimmy Kimmel More Weinergate Jokes:

"The question is – why can’t Congressman Anthony Weiner say with certitude if the crotch in question is his or not? Because he’s got so many crotch shots lying around, maybe one got away? Maybe been taking a picture of his crotch every hour for a month, to create one of those cool YouTube time lapse videos?" —NPR's "Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!"

"Congressman Weiner said the photo leak was a prank, he's a victim, the picture could be taken out of context? In what possible context would you take this picture? Maybe he meant to send it to his Doctor, with the message, 'Okay, it's been four hours, time to get you involved.'" —NPR's "Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!"

"I see only two options here: Either Anthony Weiner has too many photos of his junk to keep track of, or 'Certitiude' is his nickname for his penis." –Stephen Colbert

"Anthony Weiner pledges to get to the bottom of this. He's asked for an investigation, the police are involved, he's got a dick lawyer he's hired. They know it is a Democrat's penis because it won't stand up. And also because it was sent to a woman." –Bill Maher