Thursday, June 9, 2011

Jay Leno Jokes About Weiner

"Congressman Anthony Weiner, now known as the peter tweeter, held a big press conference at a hotel in New York City where he admitted to everything. You see him standing in front of that microphone? I think it was a microphone." –Jay Leno

"This is why Twitter exists. Members of Congress can now send you pictures of their penises electronically. Remember the old days of Senator Larry Craig when you had to get in your car, drive to the airport, find the airport bathroom, try to figure out which stall he's in, knock on the door...Now they send it right to your house." –Jay Leno

"A second woman has come forward now. She says she has over 200 explicit sex messages from the married congressman. She says they're very short messages. Like cocktail wieners." –Jay Leno

"He said there were six girls in three years, but he never had sex with any of them. Six girls in three years and no sex. You know what I call that? High school." –Jay Leno

"Weiner's beautiful wife Huma – she’s a beautiful woman if you’ve seen her – she is an aide for Hillary Clinton. I guess Hillary called Huma to console her while Anthony Weiner go a call from Bill going 'Yeah!'" –Jay Leno

"Donald Trump and Sarah Palin met and had pizza together in New York City last week. There was one embarrassing moment — when the waitress asked Donald if he wanted extra topping and he said, 'No, my hair is fine.'" –Jay Leno

"The USDA has done away with the food pyramid. It didn't work anyway. Ever since they came out with it, Americans have turned into food pyramids." –Jay Leno

"When the economy is bad, it means budget cuts and teacher layoffs. That means the next generation won't even know as much about American history as Sarah Palin." –Jay Leno

"Sarah Palin came under fire for her statements about Paul Revere, and today she made it worse. She said, 'What about Mrs. Paul Revere and her fish sticks?'" –Jay Leno

"Today Moammar Gaddafi said he is going to fight to the death. Works for me." –Jay Leno