Jay Leno Political Jokes gay marriage

"According to the National Enquirer, Bristol Palin has called of her engagement with Levi Johnston after finding out that he also got his ex-girlfriend Lanesia Garcia pregnant. Forget the oil spill, can someone put a cap on this guy." –Jay Leno

"Happy birthday to President Obama. If you want to get him a present, he's registered at Bed, Bath, and Blame Bush." –Jay Leno

"They got him a huge cake. He didn't blow out the candles, he just taxed them until they gave up and went out on their own." –Jay Leno

"A California judge has overruled California's ban on gay marriage. Finally gay men can marry someone other than Liza Minelli. ... Wedding planners can now plan their own weddings." –Jay Leno

"Just a few weeks after they announced their engagement, Bristol Palin claims that she has officially broken things off with Levi Johnston after he told her he may have gotten another woman pregnant. That's always the deal breaker, isn't it? Apparently they agreed to be abstinent until they were married, Levi just thought it meant with Bristol." –Jay Leno

"How can we pull 130,000 men out of Iraq when we can't even get Levi to pull out of his own girlfriend." –Jay Leno

"The price of coffee has surged to a 12-year high. It's getting so expensive that BP is thinking about spilling some." –Jay Leno

"Billionaire Republican and former eBay CEO Meg Whitman says she has spent more 99 million of her own money to get elected of governor of California. I think she thinks it's like eBay, the office goes to the highest bidder." –Jay Leno

"How can she be governor of California You know, she has not been in one single 'Terminator' movie." –Jay Leno

"Congressman Charlie Rangel and Congresswoman Maxine Waters met this to work out their new number one issue: prison reform." –Jay Leno

"Congressman Rangel has been accused of 13 ethics violations, or as they call it in Washington, fundraising." –Jay Leno

"Raul Castro said that his government will ease controls on small businesses, will lay off unnecessary workers, and will allow more self-employment. Apparently, he sees how bad socialism is working in America, they don't want it o happen there." –Jay Leno

Follow On Twitter

For bid on eBay: 1 Ill. Senate seat, slightly worn

CHICAGO – For sale: One Senate seat. Goes to the highest BLEEP-ing bidder. Seller's positive feedback rating: since Tuesday, just about zero.

Outraged by the arrest of Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich, more than a dozen people have put the state's vacant Senate seat up for bid on eBay.

The offers popped up on the Internet auction site after Blagojevich was accused Tuesday of trying to benefit financially from his power to appoint a Senate replacement to President-elect Barack Obama.

Daniel Finnegan, a student at the University of Georgia, said he started an auction because he's "extremely upset about what happened" and wants to voice his opinion.

Finnegan says he's glad others posted similar auctions so the accusations against Blagojevich don't go unnoticed.

University of Illinois student Matt Platino says he posted his entry to be funny, but also because he's upset with Blagojevich.

At least one seller carefully noted the ad was "not an offer for actual US Senate seat. ... For entertainment purposes only."

Another wound up with a similar disclaimer, but not before unloading on the gov: "OPEN YOUR CHECKBOOKS, OR PUT THE THUMBSCREWS ON SOMEONE TO GIVE A HIGH PAYING EXECUTIVE JOB TO AN ASSININE, GREEDY VINDICTIVE POL OR HIS WIFE."

And folks are bidding, some jokingly. One posting ("Used Illinois Senate seat, all wood and leather, willing to deal on this one! Please be advised I will be away from my office for a while..."), had 78 bids and was going for $99,999,999.00 Wednesday morning.