"Last Friday was, of course, Black Friday. And if you had money in the stock market, today is Black Monday. The stock market lost 679 points today. Not even a stock market, that's a flea market." --Jay Leno
"Today was the big day for online shopping. This is known as Cyber Monday. Did you know that? And of course, tomorrow is Identity Theft Tuesday." --Jay Leno
"And this week, they will flip the switch on the White House Christmas tree, which has over 25,000 lights on it, one light for every CEO that's looking for a bailout." --Jay Leno
"Well, here's something kind of embarrassing for President Bush. This is true. This year, the White House Hanukkah cards they sent out were sent out with a Christmas tree on the front. ... It was very funny. And President Bush, very embarrassed by this. He said all the cards will be pulled and all of his Jewish friends will get a new card with a picture of the Hanukkah bunny. I think he's still a little confused." --Jay Leno
"In political news, President-elect Barack Obama has named Hillary Clinton as his secretary of state. I am no political expert. I don't pretend to know much about international affairs, but speaking strictly as a late-night talk show host, a Clinton back in office? Yes!" --Jay Leno
"Well, they said today during her confirmation hearings, Republicans could force her to answer a lot of embarrassing questions about Bill Clinton's financial affairs. To which Hillary said, 'What kind of affairs? Financial? Oh, no problem!'" --Jay Leno
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