"Crime is down in New York City. Tomorrow criminals head down to Washington to request a bailout." --David Letterman
"Today is the 81st birthday of Madam Tussauds wax museum. Biggest collection of wax figures since 'The View.'" --David Letterman
"In economic news, ExxonMobil's profit last year was $45 billion. In second place was the company that makes those foreclosure signs." --David Letterman
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