"I'm glad you folks are here. We had a tough crowd last night. In fact, right in the middle of the show, I had to be rescued by Navy Seals." --David Letterman
"How about those Navy Seals, though? They rescued Captain Stubing, Gopher, Doc and guest star Charo." --David Letterman
"And now, there is serious trouble there off the coast of Somalia. Other pirates have vowed to avenge the death of their colleagues. Colleagues? What is this, a rotary club? What is this, a faculty meeting?" --David Letterman
"Anybody been to the New York Auto Show this week? I'll tell you, I'm worried about the American automobile industry. Are you a little worried about the auto industry? Even the cars, the American cars, when you see them at the automobile show there on the turntable, they are only getting eight miles to the gallon." --David Letterman
"How about that Obama dog? They got a new dog. Yeah, a little Portuguese water dog. And the dog, as you would expect, is not house broken yet. In fact, earlier today, he left a bigger mess in the Oval Office than Bush did." --David Letterman
"A new dog in the White House. I believe there hasn't been a dog in the White House since that pack of semi-domesticated wolves that Cheney kept in his dungeon." --David Letterman
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