"It's been reported that Governor Sanford's mistress was a reporter for an Argentinean news channel. Did you know that? That's true. Yeah, this makes Sanford just the latest Republican to claim he got screwed by the media." --Conan O'Brien
"Earlier today, Sanford apologized to his Cabinet for having the affair with an Argentinean woman. And in response, his cabinet member said, 'An apology is not good enough. We want photos. That sounds hot.'" --Conan O'Brien
"Here's the latest in Iran: Opposition groups have announced that, from now on, they're going to hold their protest rallies online. All their protests will be online, yeah. Protestors say they're going to overthrow the Iranian regime, then they're going after that YouTube cat that plays the piano." --Conan O'Brien
"Yesterday, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford -- you know this guy? It's the guy that went to, like, on the Appalachian Trail and then he ended up cheating on his wife in Argentina. Anyway, he met with his wife, Jenny, for the first time since admitting his affair with the woman in Argentina yesterday. It did not go very well. The first thing he asked was, 'Did I get any emails while I was away?' ... Then he said, 'Hey, if it's any consolation, I got you a shot glass at the airport.'" --Jimmy Fallon
"Celebrity birthday, Ross Perot, do you remember Ross Perot, ran for president a couple of times? 79 years old today, and still vital, vibrant and going strong. As a matter of fact, he received 9% of the vote in Iran." --David Letterman
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