"It's been reported that outspoken anti-immigration anchor Lou Dobbs is leaving CNN. Yeah. True story, yeah. He'll be replaced by a guy named Juan, who will do the same job for $5 an hour." –Conan O'Brien
"Former President Bill Clinton talked to Senate Democrats about the healthcare bill. And he told them not to make the same mistakes he and Hillary did. That's what he said, yeah. As a result, the senators all went home and got a divorce." –Conan O'Brien
"The other day in Wisconsin, Sarah Palin gave a speech, and the crowd was searched to make sure there were no cameras. That's right. Yeah, according to experts, Palin subscribes to the primitive belief that cameras will 'steal her crazy.'" –Conan O'Brien
"The AMA is urging the Federal Government not to classify marijuana as a dangerous drug and do more research. That's what they said. It's a big story, yeah. Yeah, that request came not only from the AMA but also from KFC." –Conan O'Brien
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