"Cold. Am I right? You know, Rush Limbaugh was ill. And he had to go to the hospital. He had chest pains but he's completely recovered. He'll be back on his job on Wednesday, which is great because the country really can use some hot air now." –David Letterman
"Remember they had the big state dinner for the Prime Minister of India and a couple of people who weren't invited show up, the Salahis? And now it turns out there was a third person who was not invited that showed up at the state dinner. I mean, it's a little crazy. I mean, before that, the only person I knew who showed up at the White House without the proper credentials was George Bush." –David Letterman
"But I think the thing that's still bothering people — there's a flight, it originates overseas, they make a stop in Amsterdam and then they come to Detroit and there's a guy on the plane over Detroit and he's wearing exploding underpants and he tries to blow up the plane. Exploding underpants. That's what it's come to, ladies and gentlemen. Exploding underpants. Do you remember the old Road Runner cartoons? Isn't that something you could get from Acme? Couldn't you get the big crate and there'd be the exploding underpants?" –David Letterman
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