Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Bill Maher Political Jokes

"President Obama met with the Republicans for seven hours. And he was very patient with them. He praised them when it was appropriate, he was gently critical when necessary. It was like watching a really good special ed teacher." –Bill Maher

"At the end of the day, the Republicans proved they are not the party of. They're the party of 'F**k no!'" –Bill Maher

"Being politicians you know, they all got to sharing their personal stories. Obama talked about his mother’s battle with cancer. And Harry Reid talked about a kid with a cleft palate. And John McCain's told how he once carried a brain dead woman through an entire campaign." –Bill Maher

"At the end of all of this, Obama says, he doesn't think that he can reach a deal with the Republicans. You're just figuring that out now? I keep telling you, Barry, they're not that into you. Obama’s like a guy in college who spends a whole year, wasting it, trying to hit on Ellen DeGeneres." –Bill Maher

"Balloons dropped because Dick Cheney had his millionth heart attack. And who came by yesterday to cheer him up? The Angel of Duh himself, George Bush. They sat together, and Bush said he had spent the last year working on his book. I swear. Hard to believe Bush has a book. But if you buy Cheney has a heart…" –Bill Maher

"The Olympic Games were fun, but there were some high-profile mistakes, come on. Admit it. Like the terrible decision to let Toyota design the luge." –Bill MaherFollow On Twitter