"North Korea attacked South Korea by brazenly firing mortars into their country. Apparently what happened was, Kim Jong Il got angry over the fact that Bristol Palin made it to the finals of 'Dancing With the Stars.'" –Jay Leno
"In the latest Harry Potter film, Harry loses his friends, has to battle overwhelming evil forces, and hides in exotic foreign places to avoid public scrutiny. I'm sorry, that's President Obama." –Jay Leno
"On Fox News, Sarah Palin said, 'I want to clean up the state, that is so sorry today, of journalism and I have a communications degree.' After that sentence, they might take it back." –Jay Leno
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