Sunday, December 26, 2010

Top Ten TSA Jokes by Late Night Comics

1. "This year marks the first Thanksgiving in which travelers will get molested before they get to their uncle's house." —Seth Meyers

2. "Rush Limbaugh on the radio yesterday told President Obama, 'Keep your hands off my tea bag.' Don't worry, Rush, even special ops couldn't find your tea bag." —Jimmy Kimmel

3. "Have you heard the TSA's new slogan? 'We handle more junk than eBay.'" —Jay Leno

4. "TSA says they are going to crack down on the invasive pat-downs. In fact, one agent was transferred to another parish." —David Letterman

5. "The TSA, it's our business to touch yours." —from a "Saturday Night Live" skit portraying TSA agents as sex workers

6. "In San Diego, a man refused to be patted down by airport security and some people are calling him a hero. I don't mind being patted down by airport security, but I don't like it when the guy says, 'Now you do me.'" —Conan O'Brien

7. From David Letterman's Top Ten Questions to Ask Yourself Before Becoming a TSA Agent: "In five years, whose pants do I see my hands in?"

8. "The TSA has changed airport security guidelines. Now you can have an extensive body pat-down or a naked scan. I think I speak for everybody when I say, "Hey, why can't we have both?" —David Letterman

9. ‎"You know, if I wanted somebody halfheartedly patting my groin without eye contact, I'd get married." —Seth Meyers

10. "The TSA has issued some special packing tips for travelers before Thanksgiving weekend. They say not to bring food, sharp tools, or any shred of dignity." —Jimmy Fallon