"President Obama came back from South America and couldn’t get into the White House. The door was locked. So he called Chris Brown on his cell phone to find the best way to break a window." –Jay Leno"General Electric announced it made a profit of $14 billion last year and paid zero in U.S. taxes. How does this make Wesley Snipes feel? Had he just been making light bulbs instead of movies he wouldn’t be in prison now." –Jay Leno
"According to the latest reports, medical marijuana sales in this country are now approaching $2 billion a year. I had no idea that so many people had glaucoma. Apparently this is an epidemic." –Jay Leno
"The Eiffel Tower was evacuated after a suspicious package was found. French investigators were baffled by this object for hours. It turns out it was just a can of deodorant. They had never seen anything like that." –Jay Leno
"Moammar Gadhafi says of the no-fly zone, 'In the short term we will beat them, and in the long term we will beat them.' Which is Libyan for 'Bring it. Winning. Bring it. Winning.'" –Jay Leno
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