"Well, according to MSNBC, President Obama's approval rating has now dipped below 50 percent. To tell you how bad it is, people are now finding ways to sneak out of the White House." –Jay Leno
"Remember the phrase, 'hope and change'? They amended it today. Now it's 'don't give up hope, nothing is going to change.'" –Jay Leno
"Oh, and listen to this. It happened yet again last month. A Georgia couple showed up a day early for a tour at the White House — you know, just regular folks. Showed up to tour the White House, somehow wound up in an invitation-only breakfast with President Obama and the First Lady. Isn't that amazing? The only two people that couldn't get in the White House this year were John McCain and Sarah Palin." –Jay Leno
"The Obama Administration announced today that the Shinnecock Indians on Long Island will be federally recognized, which means they can now build a casino in New York City. The White House recognized them as an official tribe after meeting with the four tribal leaders, Fat Tony, Louie the Barber, Crazy Sal, and Momo Ricardo. The Gambino tribe, indigenous people to the area." –Jay Leno
"And listen to this. After one single senator, just one senator — Joe Lieberman of Connecticut — was able to block passage of the Medicare buy-in provision of that health care bill, some people are calling for the Senate to begin experimenting with a whole new way of doing business. Yeah, it's called majority rules. They're thinking of trying it to see how it works." –Jay Leno
"Well, on the news today, people are complaining that we can't find Osama bin Laden in Afghanistan. Bin Laden in Afghanistan? We can't even find Tiger Woods in Florida." –Jay Leno
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