Jay Leno Jokes About Osama,Clinton and Trump

"Osama Bin Laden's supporters want to rename the Arabian Sea where his body was dumped Martyr Sea. Really? Martyr Sea? Hiding in your bedroom for six years? How about Chicken of the Sea?" –Jay Leno

"Donald Trump is furious with President Obama. Killing bin Laden was supposed to be the final task on 'Celebrity Apprentice.'" –Jay Leno



"Today Hillary Clinton sent Khadafy a sealed note asking him to resign. Don’t send him a sealed note. Send him a note delivered by a Seal." –Jay Leno

"Pakistan is still saying they didn’t know bin Laden was hiding there. He wasn’t hiding there. He was living there. Look at these pictures. Here he is working as a crossing guard. Here’s his restaurant, Osama bin Laden’s, downtown, and here he is getting a star on the Islamabad Walk of Fame." –Jay Leno

Stephen Colbert rant about Osama

I'm as giddy as a schoolgirl who just shot bin Laden in the eye. Suck my giant American balls, Al Qaeda. Hey Osama, no 3D movies for you in hell. Which I’m pretty sure would be The Last Airbender. ... I am just so happy. And I hope I am never again this happy over someone’s death.”–Stephen Colbert

"Seth Meyers did a great job at the White House Correspondents Dinner. But I gotta say, this weekend Barack Obama really killed." –Stephen Colbert

Jimmy Kimmel jokes about Osama

"I'm in a very good mood -- did you hear what happened last night? What an episode of 'Khloe and Lamar.'"

"I think this was the first Twitter death rumor that turned out to be true."

"The name on the mailbox was a red flag [picture of mailbox]. It said Al Q. Aeda."

David Letterman Jokes about Osama

"They're very clever -- the CIA, these guys know what they're doing. They got into the compound -- they had a guy pose as a Domino's kid."

"There's already some trouble for Osama in the afterlife. There was a mixup ... he was greeted by 72 vegans."

Letterman also devoted his Top 10 list to the "final words of Osama Bin Laden." No. 2: "I need a house full of Navy SEALs like I need a hole in the head."

Jay Leno Jokes About Osama

It looks like President Obama has a new campaign slogan: 'Yes I did.'"

"Before they made the announcement, the White House wanted to be absolutely certain that it was Bin Laden. In fact, do you know who they brought in to do the DNA test? Maury Povich."

Political Roast-Jay Leno Political Jokes 9:16:09

"Well, here's a story that won't go away. Congressman Joe Wilson has refused Democrats' demand to apologize to Congress on the House floor, to which Kanye West said, 'I'll do it. That's okay, I'll do it.'' --Jay Leno

"Wait, have you heard about this? Oh, I love this. They have new House rules saying members of Congress cannot call the President a liar. They cannot call him a hypocrite. They cannot say he is dishonest. Today, President Bush said, 'Hey, where were these rules when I was President?'" --Jay Leno

"Hey, if they start banning hypocrites and liars from the floor of Congress, there won't be anybody in the building." --Jay Leno

"Osama bin Laden has released yet another new audiotape. See, they're audiotapes. I don't think he quite gets the Twitter thing. He can't — he doesn't have the opposable thumb, I guess." --Jay Leno

"Well, listen to this. Here's some good terrorist gossip. According to a Sudanese novelist who once lived with Osama bin Laden for four months, Osama bin Laden is a huge Whitney Houston fan which is surprising. I mean, considering the way those people treat women, you'd think he'd be a bigger Bobby Brown fan." --Jay Leno

"And a year after the economy collapsed, Goldman Sachs executives gave each other over $11 billion in bonuses. See, what gets me, whenever these Wall Street guys get these huge bonuses they always spend it on something useless, like Senator Chris Dodd. Buy a boat! Get a car." --Jay Leno

"They always do this when there's a holiday, whenever people want something. The latest rumor is there may be a pumpkin shortage this year. They say a chilly, damp summer in the Midwest and Northeast has hurt the pumpkin crop. They say large pumpkins are going to be hard to find. Isn't that unbelievable? I mean, our pumpkins are getting smaller and thinner, and our trick-or-treaters are getting bigger and fatter." --Jay Leno

"And in honor of gay marriage now being legal in the state of Vermont, Ben & Jerry's is now selling 'Hubby Hubby' ice cream. You know, if you want to name an ice cream after gay marriage, why not just call it 'Ben & Jerry's?'" --Jay Leno
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