"My family is taking me out to brunch on Father's Day. I'm looking forward to the picketing." --David Letterman
"But my son, God bless him. In school, he made me a very special Father's Day gift. It's a huge in-box for all my hate mail." --David Letterman
"And by the way, if you haven't bought dad a gift for Father's Day, you can't go wrong with the new book by Rush Limbaugh. You know the one I'm talking about? 'Too Fat to Fish.'" --David Letterman
"They're having a lot of trouble over there in Iran. They had the presidential election. And Mahmoud Ahmadinejad -- it was controversial, they were tied, and now he's claiming that he won by a landslide. So his opposition, they're out on the streets. And you know, when you're out in Iran, you're not supposed to be -- public displays, no, you can't do that. And it's like hundreds of thousands of people in the streets now protesting this election. And the government is going crazy. And they're saying, 'No, no, no, no. It's not a -- no, that, that's not a protest. Those are folks just lining up to get their new iPhones.'" --David Letterman
"But this guy, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, I mean, he claims victory and he is very unpopular. And the danger politically of this, he could ruin the political career of his brother, Jeb Ahmadinejad." --David Letterman
"But the Iranian supreme leader will be speaking about the presidential election tomorrow. And if he does well, Al Jazeera will give him the 10:00 p.m. spot." --David Letterman
"Here's some wacky news. Last week, Sonia Sotomayor busted up her leg and I guess yesterday Secretary of State Hillary Clinton broke her elbow. It's crazy. And I was thinking, what a coincidence. I have a bad elbow myself. I really do. It's from all the drinking I've been doing the last couple of weeks. Hello!" --David Letterman
"But I thought this was nice. When he heard she broke her elbow, Rush Limbaugh sent over some painkillers. So she's going to be fine." --David Letterman
"But she — here's what happened. This was sad. Hillary apparently broke her elbow when she slipped and fell bursting into Bill's office unannounced." --David Letterman
"Here's fascinating news. Dick Cheney, do you remember Dick Cheney? Dick 'Boom Boom' Cheney. His approval rating is up to 26%, up to 26%. Yeah, crazy, isn't it? He's been upgraded from hated to unpopular." --David Letterman
"I'm not surprised that Dick Cheney's approval rating has really soared, really skyrocketed, up to 26%. Because you know, he gave people what they wanted. He left office." --David Letterman
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