"Good news, ladies and gentlemen. It seems as though we have the old swine flu on the run. The people down there at the CDC, Centers for Disease Control, say that it is now mild. They consider the swine flu to be mild. But they did say because today is Cinco de Mayo, today and today only, it will be spicy." --David Letterman
"They say that swine flu is not as potent as they originally thought. You know, like the Yankee pitching staff." --David Letterman
"The White House says they will not be releasing the photos that the Air Force One plane recently took of the landmarks of New York City. I don't know what they were doing. They were putting together a brochure, but the White House now says they won't release the photos. Is it just me or is Obama bushing it up a little bit on this one?" --David Letterman
"But it's nice to have someone like President Obama and his wife. Did you know this? They still take time out once a week to have a date night. I used to have a date night but marriage put an end to that." --David Letterman
"And Obama, so far, nobody can lay a glove on this guy because he's working so hard and doing a great job. But recently, he accidentally referred to Cinco de Mayo as Cinco de Cuatro. He apologized and said he only knows about 15 words of Spanish. Big deal. George W. Bush only knew about 15 words of English." --David Letterman
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