"On this date in 2002, President Bush, do you remember this, the axis of evil speech? Do you remember his axis of evil? Do you remember what the axis of evil was? Iran, Iraq, Dick Cheney. That was the axis of evil right there." --David Letterman
"Blagojevich was impeached today back there in Springfield. And he spoke in his defense at the impeachment proceedings, spoke for 47 minutes. And it really took its toll on the guy, because afterwards, they had to rush him to the emergency room at Supercuts." --David Letterman
"Have you taken a good look at this Rod Blagojevich? I mean, he looks like the producer of an adult entertainment awards show. ... Blagojevich looks like your wife's ex-husband. ... Blagojevich looks like the guy at the high school reunion who knows everything about you and you have no idea who he is. ... Blagojevich looks like the guy that goes to a family barbeque and criticizes how you arrange the charcoal. ... Blagojevich looks like a guy who claims to know Jon Lovitz." --David Letterman
"This Blagojevich, I would not give this guy's troubles to a monkey on a rock. It is one headache after another for this Blagojevich. It turns out, next month, his hair goes digital." --David Letterman
"Oh, here's good news. I guess the House of Representatives has passed President Obama's stimulus package. And then I guess it goes through the Senate. And if that's passed, then that $800 billion, just disappears. Have no idea where it goes." --David Letterman
"You know it's interesting, when Bill Clinton needed stimulus for his package, he just called an intern." --David Letterman
"And anybody who has kids, of course, is nervous about the Obama girls, who have had to change homes and change schools. And it is just crazy. But the good news is the girls love living in the White House. They do have one complaint, though. Sometimes, at midnight, when the moon is full, they can hear the squeaking hinges on Dick Cheney's coffin." --David Letterman
"But Dick Cheney, you know, he's in retirement now. But he's not just sitting around, taking it easy, oh, no. He's active. He's got things going on. For example, he booked himself on the show, 'Sneering with the Stars.'" --David Letterman
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