Tweeter Unknowingly Reports Bin Laden Raid

The secret raid that ended with Osama bin Laden's death was unwittingly captured on Twitter – by an IT consultant who happens to live near the terrorist's compound...More

Political Roast-Jay Leno Political Jokes 9:16:09

"Well, here's a story that won't go away. Congressman Joe Wilson has refused Democrats' demand to apologize to Congress on the House floor, to which Kanye West said, 'I'll do it. That's okay, I'll do it.'' --Jay Leno

"Wait, have you heard about this? Oh, I love this. They have new House rules saying members of Congress cannot call the President a liar. They cannot call him a hypocrite. They cannot say he is dishonest. Today, President Bush said, 'Hey, where were these rules when I was President?'" --Jay Leno

"Hey, if they start banning hypocrites and liars from the floor of Congress, there won't be anybody in the building." --Jay Leno

"Osama bin Laden has released yet another new audiotape. See, they're audiotapes. I don't think he quite gets the Twitter thing. He can't — he doesn't have the opposable thumb, I guess." --Jay Leno

"Well, listen to this. Here's some good terrorist gossip. According to a Sudanese novelist who once lived with Osama bin Laden for four months, Osama bin Laden is a huge Whitney Houston fan which is surprising. I mean, considering the way those people treat women, you'd think he'd be a bigger Bobby Brown fan." --Jay Leno

"And a year after the economy collapsed, Goldman Sachs executives gave each other over $11 billion in bonuses. See, what gets me, whenever these Wall Street guys get these huge bonuses they always spend it on something useless, like Senator Chris Dodd. Buy a boat! Get a car." --Jay Leno

"They always do this when there's a holiday, whenever people want something. The latest rumor is there may be a pumpkin shortage this year. They say a chilly, damp summer in the Midwest and Northeast has hurt the pumpkin crop. They say large pumpkins are going to be hard to find. Isn't that unbelievable? I mean, our pumpkins are getting smaller and thinner, and our trick-or-treaters are getting bigger and fatter." --Jay Leno

"And in honor of gay marriage now being legal in the state of Vermont, Ben & Jerry's is now selling 'Hubby Hubby' ice cream. You know, if you want to name an ice cream after gay marriage, why not just call it 'Ben & Jerry's?'" --Jay Leno
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Wilson's heckle raises hackles on Facebook, Twitter

Two words, delivered with index finger punctuating the air and directed at the president of the United States, made a little-known South Carolina congressman one of the most reviled men on the Internet -- at least Wednesday heading into Thursday.---...More

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Funny Political Jokes From Conan O'Brien

"In a recent study, the United States was ranked the 114th happiest country in the world. Then Sarah Palin stepped down. Now we're at 17." --Conan O'Brien

"Since resigning as governor, many say Sarah Palin is now going to spend some time working on her memoirs. Alaskans are saying they can't wait to start reading Palin's memoirs and then quit halfway through." --Conan O'Brien

"Senator John McCain says he's been using Twitter to share his opinions on this year's Major League Baseball All-Star Game. Apparently, no one has the heart to tell McCain that he's been Twittering on his garage door opener." --Conan O'Brien

"President Obama's in Italy to attend the G-8 summit, and he praised the Italians for being our 'great allies.' He went on to say, 'Except, of course, for any time we've ever been to war.'" --Conan O'Brien

"This is weird. It's been reported that Saddam Hussein's gun will be on display in George W. Bush's presidential library. Apparently, the gun will be on display right next to the book." --Conan O'Brien

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