Conan O'Brien Political Jokes| Rick Perry

"Rick Perry said America's revolutionary war was fought in the 16th century. When told it was actually the 18th century, Perry apologized and said, 'I never said I was a geology major.'" –Conan O'Brien

"At the last Republican debate, the candidates were seated according to how they've been doing in the polls. So Jon Huntsman was seated next to Tim Pawlenty at a Denny's across the street." –Conan O'Brien

"Brian Williams said if he ever left his wife for a man, that man would be Bruce Springsteen. Which is a really weird way to begin the nightly news." –Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien Jokes about Buffett rule

"This week, the U.S. military will formally end it's 'don't ask, don't tell' policy. Later this week, the Air Force begins Operation 'It's Raining Men.'" –Conan O'Brien

"President Obama has proposed a new tax increase called the 'Buffett rule.' At first, Newt Gingrich was for it because he thought it was the 'buffet rule.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Michelle Obama has convinced the owners of the Olive Garden to cut calories and sodium by 20 percent. They took the first lady's advice because Michelle Obama is more Italian than anybody that works at the Olive Garden." –Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien Jokes about President Obama

"President Obama is on a bus tour to talk about jobs, and it turns out the bus was made in Canada. If he were a real American that bus would have been made in China.USA! USA!" –Conan O'Brien

"Obama said the housing market may not pick up again for another year or longer. On the bright side, President Obama now has nine people interested in his house." –Conan O'Brien

"Michele Bachmann said that when she is president, gas prices will come down to less than $2 a gallon. When asked how she’ll make that happen, she said she'll hunt down the CEO of Exxon and stare at him." –Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien Jokes about debt deal

"The debt deal sets the debt limit until 2013. The best part is that it prevents another 'Smurfs' movie before 2014." –Conan O'Brien

"President Obama says that for his birthday, he wants a deal on the national debt. In other news, Michelle Obama is at the Apple store trying to buy a $4 trillion iTunes gift card." –Conan O'Brien

"Oprah Winfrey announced plans to return to television with a new show. That's how bad things are in this country – even Oprah has run out of money." –Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien Jokes about Congressman Weiner

"Congressman Weiner has entered a treatment program. Amazingly, it's the only thing he's entered during the entire Weinergate scandal." –Conan O'Brien

"TMZ published a photo of Anthony Weiner in the congressional gym. When he heard about it, Newt Gingrich said, 'There's a congressional gym?'" –Conan O'Brien

"Most of Newt Gingrich's campaign staff quit on the same day and some people are blaming Newt's third wife. When asked about it, Newt said, 'I'll win them back with my fourth wife.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Experts are predicting that in the first Republican debate, Mitt Romney will face his fiercest ideological opponent: himself from four years ago." –Conan O'Brien

"According to a new study, male politicians run for office to be somebody, while female politicians run to do something. The study has a margin of error of plus or minus Sarah Palin." –Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien Jokes about Donald Trump

"President Obama released his 2010 tax return. It turns out that he made $1.7 million and spent $14 trillion." –Conan O'Brien

"Donald Trump said if President Obama releases his birth certificate, he will release his tax returns. The President said, 'Well, I promise not to run for a second term if you release that thing on your head.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Gary Busey said on the 'Today Show' yesterday that Donald Trump would make a great President. Now Trump just needs endorsements from Randy Quaid and Charlie Sheen." –Conan O'Brien

"The FAA has suspended an air traffic controller for watching a movie while on the job. The guy explained that he just couldn't get to sleep." –Conan O'Brien

Latest Political Jokes by Conan O'Brien

"Political experts are saying NBC should take 'Celebrity Apprentice' off the air because if Trump runs for president, he could use it as an unfair platform. Because nothing says 'leader of the free world' like someone who can't stop a fight between Meat Loaf and Gary Busey." –Conan O'Brien

"A meeting between Justin Bieber and Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu has been canceled. No word yet on how this will affect the meeting between Selena Gomez and Hezbollah." –Conan O'Brien

"'Hustler' publisher Larry Flynt has written a book about the sex lives of American Presidents. The highlights are the chapter on Jefferson, the chapter on Garfield and the first 125 chapters on Clinton." –Conan O'Brien

"It's the 150th anniversary of the start of the Civil War. A new poll found that 23 percent of Americans sympathize with the Confederacy. They are described as 'not African-Americans.'" –Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien Jokes about Sarah Palin,Donald Trump ,Moammar Gadhafi

"Sarah Palin said on Fox News that we are in a 'squirmish' with Libya. When she was corrected, she said, 'Listen, I shouldn't be expected to get everything 100 percent Accura.'" –Conan O'Brien

"On Fox News, Donald Trump said Obama's birth certificate could indicate that he's a Muslim. Trump said he doesn't trust anyone with a foreign-sounding name, and neither does his daughter Ivanka." –Conan O'Brien

"Al-Qaida has a magazine, and the spring issue features a profile of Moammar Gadhafi. It also features a women's section called 'Death to Cottage Cheese Thighs.'" –Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien Jokes about Sarah Palin,California Marijuana,Obamas

Sarah Palin visited the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem. There was an awkward moment when she said, 'So this is what keeps the Mexicans out?'" –Conan O'Brien

"A problem for our military in Libya is that they can't tell the rebels from Gadhafi's military. The U.N. has now declared that the war be fought as 'shirts vs. skins.'" –Conan O'Brien

"California Marijuana farmers are worried that radiation from Japan could affect their crops. Or maybe for some strange reason they're just being paranoid." –Conan O'Brien


"The name of the U.S. operation in Libya is 'Odyssey Dawn.' It's the first military action to be named by Crabtree & Evelyn." –Conan O'Brien

"When the Obamas were in Chile their President said, 'I think the First Lady of the United States is very good-looking.' So now we're at war with Chile. Operation Lavender Mist." –Conan O'Brien

"On a trip to Israel, Sarah Palin asked the Israelis why they're apologizing all the time. They responded saying, 'Because we told everyone Tina Fey was coming.'" –Conan O'Brien

"The NAACP is taking a greater interest in attracting leaders from the gay community. This explains their new name, the 'National Association for the Advancement of Color-Coordinated People.'" –Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien Jokes about Chernobyl tours

"The Senate has sent President Obama a spending bill that gives the government enough money to keep going for two weeks. Our Congress has the financial planning skills of a college sophomore." –Conan O'Brien

"Moammar Gadhafi gave a rambling speech that lasted nearly three hours. So now we know where all of Charlie Sheen's cocaine went." –Conan O'Brien

"Oprah has been invited by Egypt's new government to do a show from Cairo. So they've replaced one power-mad tyrant who's been ruling for 30 years with another one." –Conan O'Brien

"A hydroponic marijuana store is being opened in California and is being called 'The Wal-Mart of Weed.' It's like a regular Wal-Mart except the greeter says, "Dude, have you seen Greg?" –Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien Jokes about Egyptian government and Super bowl

"The demonstrations are getting bigger in Cairo. The Egyptian government tried to disperse the crowd with tear gas, and when that didn’t work, a Black Eyed Peas halftime show." –Conan O'Brien

"Christina Aguilera is bouncing back from her Super Bowl appearance by singing at the Grammys. She’ll be accompanied by a full orchestra and 135 teleprompters." –Conan O'Brien

"A California man is suing Disney because he was trapped on the 'It’s a Small World' ride for 40 minutes. When they heard it, the Chilean miners said, 'Wow, we got off easy.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Over 83% of prostitutes have Facebook pages. You can tell which they are because their relationship status is 'It’s simple.'" –Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien Jokes about State of the Union,Hillary Clinton and Hezbollah

"The theme of President Obama's State of the Union address was 'Win the Future.' It was much more inspiring than the original theme: Beat the rerun of 'Top Chef.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Egypt is in the second day of angry street protests. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is calling for calm. Because nothing calms an enraged Arab country like a powerful woman ordering it around." –Conan O'Brien

"The terrorist group Hezbollah has taken control in Lebanon, and opponents have declared a 'Day of Rage.' Or as it's known in the Middle East, 'Tuesday.'" –Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien Jokes about Chinese President Hu Jintao

"President Obama held a state dinner for Chinese President Hu Jintao. The world leader with the funny name, who grew up in Asia, said he enjoyed meeting President Hu." –Conan O'Brien

"Senate majority leader Harry Reid refused to attend the state dinner for Chinese President because he considers Hu Jintao a dictator. In response Jintao said, 'You're coming. You'll have the fish, and you'll like it.'" –Conan O'Brien

"The Republican-controlled House voted to repeal the healthcare bill. If that goes well, they'll see what they can do about this whole 'women voting' thing." –Conan O'Brien

"Arnold Schwarzenegger says he's considering doing a movie in which he would play a Nazi. He says that after being governor of California, he's looking for a job that will make people hate him less." –Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien Jokes about Chernobyl tours

"Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real." –Conan O'Brien

"Time magazine is now ranking the best tweets of the year and, according to Time, the best tweet for 2010 was written by John McCain. Experts say it's even more impressive because McCain thought he was opening his garage door." –Conan O'Brien

"Anderson Cooper has announced that the title of his new show is just 'Anderson.' I think I speak for everyone here at 'Conan' when I say, 'God, what an ego on that guy!'" –Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien Jokes about George Bush and Farmville

"President Obama held a ceremony at the White House to celebrate the first night of Hanukkah. In response, Republicans said, 'It's even worse than we thought. He's a Jewish Muslim.'" —Conan O'Brien

"Promoting his new book, President Bush visited the headquarters of Facebook. Unfortunately, he spent the whole visit on Farmville, clearing brush." —Conan O'Brien
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Conan O'Brien Political Jokes Patdowns,Sarah Palin and Cyber Monday

"Yesterday a woman wore a bikini to LAX airport hoping to avoid the patdown. She is still being patted down." —Conan O'Brien

"Monday was a big online shopping day called 'Cyber Monday.' Immediately followed by 'Identity Theft Tuesday.'" —Conan O'Brien

"In a recent interview, Sarah Palin said we have to stand with 'our North Korean allies.' When told that North Korea is not our ally, Palin said, 'Sorry, I meant East Korean allies.'" —Conan O'Brien

"President Obama has set aside over 180 million acres of land for polar bears. When Sarah Palin heard about it, she said, 'Todd, get my gun.'" —Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien Obama will pardon this Thanksgiving

"The turkey that President Obama will pardon this Thanksgiving is from California. The turkey said, "I don't need a pardon. I need a job." –Conan O'Brien

"When asked about the new TSA body search, Hillary Clinton said she herself wouldn't like to go through an airport pat down. Bill Clinton added, "I think we all know where Hillary stands on being touched." –Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien Jokes about TSA Scanners, Clinton, and Palin

"People are concerned that the new airport security scanners could lead to pictures of their genitals ending up on the Internet. Apparently no one has told them that without pictures of genitals, there would be no Internet." —Conan O'Brien

"The New Oxford Dictionary has declared Sarah Palin's word 'refudiate' to be the 2010 Word of the Year. Palin was honored and said she would do her best to 'dismangle' the English language." —Conan O'Brien

"Bill Clinton has a cameo in the new 'Hangover 2' movie. When asked why Clinton was in the movie, the producer said, 'There are some things even Mike Tyson won't do.'" —Conan O'Brien

Conan O'Brien Jokes about New Talk Show

"Welcome to my new show it's called 'Conan'. People ask me why I named the show 'Conan.' I did it so I'd be harder to replace." —Conan O'Brien

"I just got the news that we're already No. 1 in TBS' key demographic: people that can't afford HBO." —Conan O'Brien

"The truth is, ladies and gentlemen, I have dreamed of being a talk show host on basic cable ever since I was 46." —Conan O'Brien

"It's not easy doing a late night show on a channel without a lot of money, that viewers have trouble finding. That's why I left NBC." —Conan O'Brien
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Conan O'Brien Jokes 1/14/10

"Hello, there, I'm Conan O'Brien, NBC's employee of the month." ?Conan O'Brien

"Now, there's a rumor. This came out today. There's a rumor that NBC is so upset with me, they want to keep me off the air for three years. That's what they say. Yeah, my response to that is, if NBC doesn't want people to see me, just leave me on NBC. It's like I'll be in the witness protection program." ?Conan O'Brien

"Time sure does fly, though. It's crazy to think about this. Do you realize that a baby born on the day we did our first 'Tonight Show' is now a slightly larger baby?" ?Conan O'Brien

"Now, my future is, well, it's pretty uncertain right now, and this is absolutely true, I'm not making this up. I received a letter from the adult film company Pink Visual, offering me a role in one of their porno movies. That's true. That's absolutely true. It's great, yeah. In the movie, I'd be having sex with a beautiful woman, and just as we're about to climax, I get replaced by Jay Leno." ?Conan O'Brien

"It's been reported that an 8-year-old boy from New Jersey is on the government's airport watch list because he has the same name as a possible terrorist. So, it's been a really bad week for little Skippy bin Laden." ?Conan O'Brien