"Oh, now here is the big fun over the weekend. Sarah Palin, Governor of Alaska, stepped down. It was a moving day for Sarah Palin. She went out on her porch and waved goodbye to Russia." --David Letterman
"People say, 'Well, what will the Governor do now?' And I'll tell you. She's going back to her old job as perfume spritzer at Nordstrom." --David Letterman
"Sarah said goodbye, but she's coming back in the fall in the 10 p.m. slot." --David Letterman
"But I thought her remarks were very thoughtful. In her farewell address, she warned people of the military-industrial complex. Sarah Palin says look out for the military-industrial complex. And she also reminded folks that doughnuts make you hippy." --David Letterman
"And I thought this was only to be expected. Sarah Palin took a swipe at certain people in the media. Gosh, I wonder who she had in mind." --David Letterman
"Now here's the way President Obama likes to do stuff. They had this problem up there at Harvard and the professor, Professor Gates and the cop, the professor, the Officer Crowley, and the professor officer — so there was big trouble. So President Obama says, 'Why don't you guys? Here's what we'll do. Come to the White House. You guys, we'll settle our differences. We'll have a beer. We'll have a beer.' And if it works for those guys he's going to try it with Jon and Kate, and he is going it to try it with the Israelis and Hamas." --David Letterman
"Big beer fest at the White House. And today, Obama sent Vice President Biden on an emergency goodwill mission for pretzels, so that will be good." --David Letterman
"But here it is. You have Crowley and you have Gates. And tempers flared. Case of mistaken identity. You have anger. You have accusations. You have name-calling. Sure, let's add alcohol! Let's go, let's pick it up! Why not?" --David Letterman
"You know what they're saying, that President Obama is trying to do too much too soon. You have heard that criticism? They criticized him for trying to do too much too soon and the fact that he wears baggie jeans. No wonder his poll numbers are going down." --David Letterman
"But it's too much too soon. Just kind of the opposite of President Bush, too little too late." --David Letterman
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