"Everyone's on vacation right now. President's taking a vacation at this very moment, you hear this? Tomorrow President Obama is taking his family to Yellowstone Park to see Ol' Faithful, isn't that nice? Yea. And meanwhile, Hillary Clinton returns from overseas to see Ol' Unfaithful." --Conan O'Brien
"President Obama was in Montana today. That's right. He met with residents, he held a town meeting and then he went fly-fishing. It's true. Montana residents came from miles around for the once in a lifetime chance to see a black guy fly-fishing." --Conan O'Brien
"An 11-year old boy interviewed President Obama, and the boy asked Obama what to do about bullying. That's right. The response Obama said, 'Shut up, nerd.' And he shoved the kid." --Conan O'Brien
"It's been reported that former Vice President Cheney is hard at work on his memoirs. It's called 'The Five People You Meet in Hell.'" --Conan O'Brien
"A paternity test revealed John Edwards is in fact the biological father of his mistress' child. Yep, experts say they could tell it was Edwards' DNA cause it kept grooming itself in the microscope." --Conan O'Brien
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