"Reporters in Washington are saying that President Obama's hair has gotten visibly grayer in the seven months since he took office. Amazingly, each of his gray hairs is the result of a black hair and a white hair being brought together by Obama last year." --Conan O'Brien
"In a new interview, Dick Cheney says former President Bush ignored his advice to take military action against Iran's nuclear program. That's true. Bush also ignored Cheney's advice to attack Switzerland, Jamaica, and Antarctica." --Conan O'Brien
"In Afghanistan, a presidential candidate named Abdullah Abdullah says there has been election fraud, and that he deserves to be president. Abdullah Abdullah said, 'They're going to hear from my lawyer, Shapiro Shapiro.'" --Conan O'Brien
"Jenna Bush was hired as a correspondent for the 'Today' show. People wonder if her dad was a factor in her getting the job. If he was, it looks like she overcame it and got the job anyway." --Craig Ferguson
"Big announcement at NBC. George Bush's daughter, Jenna, was just hired as a correspondent on the 'Today' show. The show said they wanted someone who would make Kathie Lee look sober." --Jimmy Fallon
"Sarah Palin announced that she will make her first trip to Asia in September, where she'll be giving a speech in Hong Kong. Palin says she's thrilled because Hong Kong and Asia are two of her favorite places." --Jimmy Fallon
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