"A big show last night, right here on CBS. The annual Emmy Awards television broadcast. What a show that was. My God, I thought we outlawed torture!" --David Letterman
"I'm happy to say that once again, 'The Late Show,' we were nominated this year, in an unusual category. We were right between Governor Sanford's meltdown and the 'You lie!' guy." --David Letterman
"Have you noticed people are rude now? I mean, that guy just screaming out like that. Listen to this. This is how rude people are in Arizona. People keep ringing John McCain's doorbell and then running away." --David Letterman
"By the way, the Emmys was the only Sunday television program that President Obama was not on yesterday." --David Letterman
"President Obama is on our program tonight. I'm in a great mood because the President is here tonight. I underwent three hours of frisking. Whooo!" --David Letterman
"Don't kid yourselves, ladies and gentlemen. It's seamless but security here tonight at the Ed Sullivan Theater is very tight. They even checked under my hairpiece." --David Letterman
"Security is tighter than Joan Rivers' face." --David Letterman
"But, and I think this is a relief to all of us, the building has been cleared now of all Republican congressmen." --David Letterman
"You know, when you have a big show like this, everybody gets kind of excited about it. And I was talking to my mom today. I said, 'You know, President Obama is on the show tonight.' And she said, 'Well, maybe I'll switch from Conan.'" --David Letterman
"Great to see President Obama again. Haven't seen him since he invited me and Sarah Palin to the White House for a beer." --David Letterman
"The President is here. He's speaking to the U.N. And also, the President is in town to pardon Ernie Anastos." --David Letterman
"We were never able to get President Bush on the show when he was president. President Bush was always too busy not working so he couldn't come through here.'" --David Letterman
"Speaking of President Bush, did you see him last night at the big football game? It was the Giants and Cowboys down there in Texas. And President Bush did the coin toss at the start of the game. Now here's a bit of trivia. The coin that they used to start the game was the same coin that the Supreme Court tossed that won Bush the election." --David Letterman
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