"Well, the FBI has arrested a suspected al Qaeda terrorist and his dad. Did you hear about this? This guy was plotting terrorist attacks with his father. Even Mackenzie Phillips is going, 'Ooh! That's bad.'" --Jay Leno
"No, it seems one of these terror suspects gave himself away when he bought an unusually high quantity of hydrogen peroxide at a beauty supply store. Peroxide is used in explosives and also used, you know, for hair highlights. The guy tried to avoid suspicion as a man buying tons of highlights by giving the name Ryan Seacrest." --Jay Leno
"Actually, he got caught because of the shampoo he bought. It was this: 'Jihad, Your Hair Smells Terrific.'" --Jay Leno
"Did you hear about fantasy football? Detroit Lions won. Detroit Lions beat the Washington Redskins 19-14, snapping their 19-game losing streak. Do you believe that? Detroit owning Washington. There's a change." --Jay Leno
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