"In a global survey of the most admired countries, the United States went from number seven to number one. They don't admire us enough to give us the Olympics, but…" --Jay Leno
"And earlier in the week, President Barack Obama met with 150 doctors. He got all kinds of advice from them. This weekend, he's going to try out the tips they gave him on the golf course." --Jay Leno
"And over the weekend, the President and the First Lady celebrated their wedding anniversary. They went out to dinner. There were no gifts exchanged. They didn't exchange any gifts because, as you know, that would be socialism." --Jay Leno
"And President Obama had a very tense 25-minute meeting aboard Air Force One last week with General McChrystal, our top general in Afghanistan. And apparently, McChrystal gave a speech in London last week very critical of Obama's policies in Afghanistan. And Obama was not happy. In fact, he considers it so important, he's thinking about canceling his upcoming appearance on 'Ellen.'" --Jay Leno
"President Obama's national security advisor said the President will overturn the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy in the military. Well I think that's good. I think gay people should be allowed to serve in the military. It seems ridiculous if they're not. And listen to this. They'll be able to keep the same slogan, an 'Army of One — Singular Sensation.'" --Jay Leno
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