"Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin has a new book coming out. They say she finished the book ahead of schedule so they moved the release date up to November 17th. So, turns out she can finish something." --Jimmy Kimmel
"The title of the book is 'Going Rogue,' which is how some of John McCain's advisers derisively describe what she did during the presidential campaign. The title is getting a mixed reaction. Some people like it, some people don't. And some think 'Going Rogue' is a rip-off of Joe Biden's memoir, 'Going Rogaine,' which came out like five years ago." --Jimmy Kimmel
"You know he's not just the Vice President, he's also a client." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Meanwhile, President Obama has an idea to make our country smarter. He wants to shorten summer vacation and extend the school year. And I don't want to be cynical, but clearly this is a back door deal for the powerful Tater Tot lobby." --Jimmy Kimmel
"I miss our old President, who worked for more recess for children, not more school. Instead, we elected the kid who reminds the teacher that she forgot to give the class homework. That's no fun at all." --Jimmy Kimmel
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