"Big news: We bombed the moon this morning. We sent a missile into its surface. That's gotta be a lesson to North Korea and Iran -- we bombed the moon for no good reason at all." --Jimmy Kimmel
"A day after declaring war on the moon, President Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Vice President Biden was awarded the Nobel Hair-Piece Prize." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Along with his trophy, the president will receive $1.4 million in prize money . . . so say hello to a whole new closet of mom jeans everybody." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Congratulations to President Obama, who won the Nobel Peace Prize this morning. That's quite an accomplishment. I'm sure he'll pick it up as soon as he's finished fighting two wars." --Jimmy Fallon
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