"They say now that President Barack Obama's playing a lot of golf. Did you know he plays a lot of golf? I didn't know that. Good for him. Play golf. Play all the golf you want. The world is going to hell anyway. What possible difference could it make if he's playing golf?" –David Letterman
"In fact, he has played more golf in his few months in office than George Bush played in eight years. So Barack Obama, playing more golf than George Bush. But to be fair, President Bush played more mini-golf." –David Letterman
"I mean, it's no secret, if you're the President of the United States, the pressure is incredible, unrelenting, it will crush you. You've got to get out and do stuff. You have to take a break. You have to go play golf. You've got to ride a bike and go jogging. You have to shoot a hunting buddy in the face. I mean, it will kill you, the pressure." –David Letterman
"Guess what? The former governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin will be appearing on the Oprah Winfrey show next month. Coincidentally, John McCain will be on Dr. Oz next month getting a colonoscopy." –David Letterman
"Sarah Palin is promoting her brand new book. It's called 'Going Rogue' because she really was out there on the edge. The book is going to be huge. It will be an enormous. As a matter of fact, the FDA gave it quite a boost. The Food and Drug Administration said her book has been approved as an over-the-counter sleep aid. It will be crazy big." –David Letterman
"I stand behind no man in my regard for the great Oprah Winfrey. But if you really wanted to see Sarah Palin on a TV show, would you want to see her on the Oprah show or would you want to see her here? Well, that ain't gonna happen." –David Letterman
"But if you think about it, Sarah Palin and Oprah Winfrey have a lot in common. They both helped get Obama elected." –David Letterman
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