"President Obama went to India, South Korea, then Japan. He’s going to keep traveling until he finds his birth certificate." –David Letterman
"George W. Bush's memoir is out today. And the guy is apparently quite candid, quite honest in the memoir. It's a big, big book. The problem is because of his economic policies nobody can afford to buy the book." –David Letterman
"But the guy, the president, he is still quick. Still very athletic. You know, he's a former cheerleader. I believe he is our only president who was a cheerleader. He proved today at a book signing that he can still duck a shoe." –David Letterman
"In the book Bush says that he lost respect for John McCain when he selected Sarah Palin as his running mate. This guy whose running mate shot a buddy in the face." –David Letterman
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