Federal investigators have stopped a man named Farooq Ahmed from a terrorist plot against the DC Metro system. You hear about this? Where he planned to bring Washington, DC to a stand still. Hey, you're a little late, okay? After two years of Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, John Boehner and Mitch McConnell, we're already there. All right? Mission accomplished." –Jay Leno
"Karl Rove said this week that Sarah Palin does not have the gravitas to be President of the United States. Sarah Palin is furious. She said as soon as she finds out what gravitas means she will respond, and harshly." –Jay Leno
'Election Day is less than a week away. It's a shame that either of these parties has to win.' –Jay Leno
"It looks like California is on the verge of legalizing marijuana. You thought the haze over L.A. was bad before." –Jay Leno
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Katie Couric and Sarah Palin went for a walk in the park trying to patch things up. Katie suddenly exclaimed, "Oh, no! A dead bird." Sarah looked up into the air and said, "Where?"
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