"The Situation from 'Jersey Shore' just shot a PSA with Bristol Palin about safe sex and abstinence. Wait, they wanted to do a PSA about not having sex and getting pregnant and they chose The Situation and Bristol Palin? Who's doing their anti-drug campaign, Lindsay Lohan?" —Jimmy Fallon
"George W. Bush's famous 'Mission Accomplished' banner may be put in his Presidential Library. They plan to hang it up as soon as they start construction." —Jimmy Fallon
"President Obama's picture book for kids is coming out. That's when you know things have changed — when Bush writes a 500-page memoir and Obama hands in a coloring book." —Jimmy Fallon
"Alaska Sen. Lisa Murkowski said that she doesn't think Sarah Palin enjoyed being governor. Palin was like, 'That's absurd. If I didn't enjoy being governor, I would have just quit in the middle of my term.'" —Jimmy Fallon
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