"In Delaware, former Republican governor Mike Castle was defeated by Sarah Palin favorite Christine O'Donnell. Nobody knows what Christine O'Donnell does for a living, if anything. All we do know is that she's gone on the record to oppose masturbation, for real. I have a feeling Christine O'Donnell opposes masturbation the same way Bristol Palin opposes pre-marital sex." —Jimmy Kimmel
"When our right to masturbate is threatened, that's where I draw the line. What goes on between me in my own bedroom, and car sometimes, is my business, not the government's." —Jimmy Kimmel
"We need to send a message to Washington, people. This November, I want everyone who believes in basic human rights to touch themselves in the voting booth. I want to say this to Christine O'Donnell. I want you and your followers to know one thing: you'll take away this penis when you pry it out of my cold, dead hands." —Jimmy Kimmel
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