"President Obama's re-election campaign is doing a contest where contributors can win a chance to have dinner with the president. Or, if you come in 2nd place, a mid-afternoon Hot Pocket with Joe Biden." –Conan O'Brien"Mitt Romney's campaign is offering a chance to win a day with Romney. It's called, 'Vote for Mitt Romney or else you'll have to spend a day with Mitt Romney.'" –Conan O'Brien
"A law signed by Arnold Schwarzenegger will soon release thousands of female prisoners. The man’s a genius. Soon thousands of women who haven’t been with a man for years will be free and thinking they owe Arnold a favor." –Conan O'Brien
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