"The Obama administration has reversed itself and is now considering moving the trial of the 9/11 terrorists out of Manhattan after protests from Congress and the mayor of New York. See, they're going to do an Off Broadway version first, see if people like it. See, then if it does well, then they'll bring it into the city." –Jay Leno
"And of course, the terrorists — the terrorists, they want it in Manhattan. A jury of their peers? Sure, a bunch of New York cab drivers. They'd get off like that." –Jay Leno
"Osama bin Laden has released yet another audiotape message. Where does he find all these audiotapes, O.K.? You can't even buy audiotapes anymore. I mean, is there a tiny country in the Middle East called Radioshackistan? Is that where they're coming from? Where do you — we can't even play them. We don't have machines that old." –Jay Leno
"Great Britain and America now have proposed a half-billion-dollar fund to create jobs for Taliban members who agree to lay down their arms. And if it works there, they're going to offer the same deal to NBA players." –Jay Leno
"It was reported today that Goldman Sachs's CEO, Lloyd Blankfein, is getting a $100 million bonus. Goldman Sachs denied it, saying, 'Well, no figure has been decided on yet.' You know what that means? He's getting more. Exactly." –Jay Leno
"Well, it seems John Edwards's mistress has gone to court to get a restraining order against the release of a sex tape she made with John Edwards. She says she's worried it will hurt her career. I thought her career was getting knocked up by presidential candidates. Well, apparently, I'm way out of line. But I don't care because this show has been canceled." –Jay Leno
"I am stunned that John Edwards made a sex tape. Do you realize this guy is basically Paris Hilton with better hair? That's all he is." –Jay Leno
"And, of course, Edwards has no remorse. Today, he called ABC to see if he could be the next 'Bachelor.'" –Jay Leno
"And the state controller warned today that California could be broke by April. I think that's great news. I thought we were already broke, didn't you? We got two months worth of money left. Let's party!" –Jay Leno
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Odd Daily News
Former Presidential hopeful John Edwards flashed a big, toothy smile during his mug shot earlier this month -- after he was indicted for allegedly soliciting nearly $1 mil in campaign funds to cover up his mistress and love child. 
John Edwards has proposed to his mistress Rielle Hunter, and is buying a luxury $3.5 million beachfront home where they can live happily ever after with their love child, The ENQUIRER has learned exclusively. Edwards, 56, released that statement on Jan. 21, and just six days later a spokesperson for his cancer-stricken wife Elizabeth confirmed the couple had legally separated after 32 years of marriage.