"According to some reports coming out of Washington today, President Obama said Kanye West is a 'jackass.' Not since 'yes, we can' has Obama found a slogan so many Americans can get behind." --Conan O'Brien
"He's going to get healthcare passed on that slogan alone. 'I'll vote for it. He is a jackass!'" --Conan O'Brien
"Yesterday in New York, President Obama had lunch with former President Clinton. Afterwards, Clinton told Obama, 'Remember, if Hillary asks, we had lunch and dinner, then I slept over at your place.'" --Conan O'Brien
"You know, President Obama is pushing so hard for healthcare, he's going to appear on an unprecedented five shows this Sunday. What's strange is, two of them are 'Entourage' and 'Family Guy.'" --Conan O'Brien
"A new book that's coming out about former President George W. Bush said that Bush once called Barack Obama 'a cat' with 'no clue.' Of course that was back when Bush's speeches were written by jazz legend Wynton Marsalis." --Conan O'Brien
"A group of musicians that includes Khalil Fong, the Scorpions, and Youssou N'Dour are recording a song in an effort to raise awareness of global warming. First, they have to raise awareness about who those musicians are." --Conan O'Brien
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