News Max Reports-3 Senators, Obama Secretly Write Health Bill

Washington DC - When he was a presidential candidate, Barack Obama promised to make negotiations over healthcare reform an open and transparent process. Now that he’s president, the reality is that most of the high-stakes work is being conducted by just three senators behind closed doors. According to the Washington Post, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., and Sens. Christopher Dodd, D-Conn., and Max Baucus, D-Mont., gather in Reid’s office to hammer out a merger of competing bills before a Senate vote. The only other people allowed in the room are key aides and Obama’s representatives on healthcare reform. More…Follow On Twitter----Premium Domain Names

Political Jokes From Conan, Kimmel, Fallon

"Of course, you know President Obama yesterday created quite a stir, because he apparently called Kanye West a jackass. Yeah, well, some people are now upset with President Obama for calling Kanye a jackass. They're upset about it. Yeah, and Joe Biden is furious, because 'Jackass' is his Secret Service code name.'" --Conan O'Brien

"In Connecticut — this is weird — one of the Republican candidates running for Congress is the former CEO of the W.W.E. wrestling organization, which could be good. Congressmen will be less likely to scream out, 'You lie!' if they could get hit with a folding chair." --Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday, former President Jimmy Carter said that Congressman Joe Wilson's outburst during President Obama's speech last week was based on racism. When Joe Wilson heard that, he said, 'I can't get mad at Jimmy Carter. He's white.'" --Jimmy Fallon

"Joe Wilson is now the only United States congressman to be formally rebuked for speaking out while the President was giving an address. That could explain his Secret Service codename, 'Kanye.'" --Jimmy Fallon

'Yesterday, Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke said it is 'very likely' that the recession is over. I hope this isn't like when President Bush told us the war in Iraq was over.' –Jimmy Kimmel
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Political Roast-Jay Leno Political Jokes 9:16:09

"Well, here's a story that won't go away. Congressman Joe Wilson has refused Democrats' demand to apologize to Congress on the House floor, to which Kanye West said, 'I'll do it. That's okay, I'll do it.'' --Jay Leno

"Wait, have you heard about this? Oh, I love this. They have new House rules saying members of Congress cannot call the President a liar. They cannot call him a hypocrite. They cannot say he is dishonest. Today, President Bush said, 'Hey, where were these rules when I was President?'" --Jay Leno

"Hey, if they start banning hypocrites and liars from the floor of Congress, there won't be anybody in the building." --Jay Leno

"Osama bin Laden has released yet another new audiotape. See, they're audiotapes. I don't think he quite gets the Twitter thing. He can't — he doesn't have the opposable thumb, I guess." --Jay Leno

"Well, listen to this. Here's some good terrorist gossip. According to a Sudanese novelist who once lived with Osama bin Laden for four months, Osama bin Laden is a huge Whitney Houston fan which is surprising. I mean, considering the way those people treat women, you'd think he'd be a bigger Bobby Brown fan." --Jay Leno

"And a year after the economy collapsed, Goldman Sachs executives gave each other over $11 billion in bonuses. See, what gets me, whenever these Wall Street guys get these huge bonuses they always spend it on something useless, like Senator Chris Dodd. Buy a boat! Get a car." --Jay Leno

"They always do this when there's a holiday, whenever people want something. The latest rumor is there may be a pumpkin shortage this year. They say a chilly, damp summer in the Midwest and Northeast has hurt the pumpkin crop. They say large pumpkins are going to be hard to find. Isn't that unbelievable? I mean, our pumpkins are getting smaller and thinner, and our trick-or-treaters are getting bigger and fatter." --Jay Leno

"And in honor of gay marriage now being legal in the state of Vermont, Ben & Jerry's is now selling 'Hubby Hubby' ice cream. You know, if you want to name an ice cream after gay marriage, why not just call it 'Ben & Jerry's?'" --Jay Leno
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Late Night Political Jokes With Jay Leno 1/27/09

"Al Qaeda has unleashed a stream of verbal attacks against President Obama, calling him names and saying his policies will all end in failure. Well, who do these people think they are, Rush Limbaugh?" --Jay Leno

"President Barack Obama has given his first sit-down interview since he took the oath of office. He gave it to an Arabic television network, which seems kind of strange. I mean, if Barack Obama wanted to give interview to a network that's not seen in the United States, why not go with NBC?" --Jay Leno

"Actually, a lot of Arabs are upset with the interview because it preempted their most popular TV show, a Palestinian sitcom called '30 Rocks.'" --Jay Leno

"And President Obama said today when it comes to passing a stimulus package, 'We can't afford distractions' or 'delays.' And, of course, you know who took offense to this in Congress? The head of the Senate Distractions and Delays Committee. He was furious." --Jay Leno

"President Barack Obama has also signed an executive order officially banning torture in the United States. There goes Dick Cheney's retirement, huh? What is he supposed to do now?" --Jay Leno

"Oh, last night, we talked about how Citigroup took $50 million of the bailout money we gave them and bought a corporate jet. Well, Citigroup now says they were not going to take possession of the jet. They said they're going to lose money on it because they put a huge deposit on it, but they now realize it was a mistake. They said this is the most overpriced jet since Brett Favre." --Jay Leno

"And on 'Good Morning America,' Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich said he considered offering the vacant Senate seat to Oprah Winfrey, but changed his mind when she wouldn't give him a car." --Jay Leno

"And disgraced baseball player Jose Canseco fought to a draw with former child star Danny Bonaduce this past weekend in a celebrity boxing match. Did you ever see Canseco? He's huge! What is he, 80 pounds heavier and a foot taller than Danny Bonaduce? And he's on steroids! You still can't beat him?" --Jay Leno

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New Mom Names Baby Son After President-Elect Barack Obama

HOLLYWOOD, Florida - Barack Obama may have a "funny name," as he once said — but it might just catch on among the nation's newborns.
A Florida couple became among the country's first to bestow it on their child, even before most had declared the Illinois senator the president-elect.
Sanjae Obama Fisher was born at 8 p.m. EST at Hollywood's Memorial Regional Hospital to Patrick and Sasha Hall Fisher. More...

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