"The governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, is stepping down from office. Will no longer be the governor of Alaska on Sunday. So right about now, Sarah Palin should be taking her grizzly bear head off the wall and packing it in bubble wrap." --David Letterman
"She's leaving office because she wants to spend more time riding in a helicopter shooting wildlife." --David Letterman
"Happy birthday to former Senator Larry Craig from Idaho. Sixty-four years old. And if you are wondering where the celebration is, well, it's in the stall with the yellow balloons." --David Letterman
"Looks like Paula Abdul may not be going back to 'American Idol.' And that means President Obama has to nominate another new judge." --David Letterman
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