"Have you been watching the confirmation hearings going on down there in Washington, D.C.? Sonia Sotomayor, the hearings, have you been watching those? Good news, the FDA has just approved a new, non-drowsy version of Senator Orrin Hatch. Boy, do we need it now!" --David Letterman
"Folks see the All-Star Game last night, the baseball All-Star Game? Whew! I thought this was exciting. President Obama threw out the first pitch. Did you see that? Because they were playing in St. Louis at a National League park, he also had to bat. Were you aware of that?" --David Letterman
"But he admitted today that after throwing out the first pitch, his arm was a little sore. And today, Rush Limbaugh offered him some OxyContin." --David Letterman
"I thought it was fascinating how the New York papers covered the All-Star Game and Obama throwing out the first pitch. New York Times said that Obama threw a perfect strike. Daily News said he threw a ball. The New York Post said he was making out with Kate Hudson." --David Letterman
"How about that Harry Potter movie? Opened today as a matter of fact. In this one, Harry goes up against Dick Cheney and his secret CIA hit squad." --David Letterman
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