"President Obama, I found out about an hour ago, they're saying, took five books with him on vacation. … Of course, President Bush took five books on his vacation, but four of them were backup copies of 'Goodnight Moon.'" --Conan O'Brien
"The White House is denying rumors that President Obama has plans to play a round of golf with Tiger Woods, although Obama is planning to ask Tiger Woods if the government can borrow $300 trillion." --Conan O'Brien
"This is weird. North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il recently met with the C.E.O. of Hyundai. Apparently, the story is Hyundai wants to build cars in North Korea while Kim wants to use their windshields as sunglasses." --Conan O'Brien
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