Funny Political Jokes from Jimmy Fallon about President Obama

"Hey, congratulations to the Obamas, who are celebrating their 19th wedding anniversary today. They were going to go out to dinner, but they couldn't find a sitter for Biden." –Jimmy Fallon

"Actually, President Obama did take Michelle out to a lovely dinner on Saturday. It was a little awkward, though. When the bill came, Obama just put it on the tab of the Chinese couple sitting next to them." –Jimmy Fallon

"In a new interview, Michele Bachmann said that quote, 'China has blinded U.S. satellites with their lasers.' Which explains Michele Bachmann's new campaign adviser: Gary Busey." –Jimmy Fallon

Funny Political Jokes Jimmy Kimmel Rips on President Obama

"If you donate $5 to President Obama's re-election fund, you have a chance to have dinner with him. The first lady will even come around and personally knock the dessert right out of your hand." –Jimmy Kimmel

"It's all part of the president's plan to get the country gambling again." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Now, they've dropped the price from $5 to $3. It's the first presidential groupon." –Jimmy Kimmel

"A group of politicians want to replace the dollar bill with a coin. Rappers would be out of business. You can't make it rain with coins. People would get hurt. Strippers would have to wear fanny packs. You can't fill up a thong with coins. Get rid of the penny. If it's not worth bending over for, it's not worth making." –Jimmy Kimmel

Jay Leno Jokes About President Obama

"President Obama's hometown newspaper, the Chicago Tribune has called on Obama not to run for re-election. He has to run. He knows there are no other jobs out there." –Jay Leno

"The Solyndra executives are scheduled to testify before Congress, and they're expected to take the 5th. Why not take the 5th? They've already taken $535 million." –Jay Leno

"Gays can now openly serve in the military, which is good news, unless you're gay and you don't want to join the military and they reinstate the draft." –Jay Leno

Conan O'Brien Jokes about President Obama

"President Obama is on a bus tour to talk about jobs, and it turns out the bus was made in Canada. If he were a real American that bus would have been made in China.USA! USA!" –Conan O'Brien

"Obama said the housing market may not pick up again for another year or longer. On the bright side, President Obama now has nine people interested in his house." –Conan O'Brien

"Michele Bachmann said that when she is president, gas prices will come down to less than $2 a gallon. When asked how she’ll make that happen, she said she'll hunt down the CEO of Exxon and stare at him." –Conan O'Brien

I’m like, c’mon guys, I’m the president

Washington DC - Turns out President Obama would like a phone upgrade. The president, in an unscripted moment with donors in Chicago, was talking about the need to innovate in technology. “The Oval Office, I always thought I was going to have really cool phones and stuff,” he said during a small fundraising event at a Chicago restaurant. “I’m like, c’mon guys, I’m the president of the United States. Where’s the fancy buttons and stuff and the big screen comes up? It doesn’t happen.” Reporters had been ushered out of the event. But the question and answer session was piped back to Washington by mistake and into the press briefing area where a few reporters were still working late. More

Obama’s Close Friend Arrested

Honolulu, Hawaii - One of President Obama’s close friends from his native Hawaii is facing charges after being arrested during a prostitution sting in the state. Robert Richard Titcomb, 49, allegedly solicited sex from an undercover police officer posing as a prostitute, Hawaii News Now reports. Titcomb was one of four arrested during the sting, Hawaii Police Department says.  More…  

Jimmy Fallon Political Jokes About President Obama and Palin

"Arkansas Congressman Steve Womack has proposed cutting funding for President Obama's teleprompter. Oh man, when Obama finds out he's going to be speechless." –Jimmy Fallon

"Borders Books has filed for bankruptcy and will close all 200 of its superstores. When Sarah Palin heard that she went, 'Finally, we're closing the borders.'" –Jimmy Fallon

Jay Leno Jokes about Egypt,President Obama and The Catholic Church

"President Obama had lunch with Republican leaders at the White House today and had to do without salt, pepper and butter. Not for dietary reasons. The Republicans refused to pass anything." –Jay Leno

"The problem in Egypt is that so many government officials are rich and the people are poor. I think it’s a pyramid scheme." –Jay Leno

"The Catholic Church has approved an app that let’s you confess on your iPhone. You can now cheat and atone right on the same device. Perfect for Brett Favre." –Jay Leno

"The actual name for this app is “Priest in your pocket.” Don’t they read the paper? Couldn’t they come up with a better name?" –Jay Leno

"The

has approved an app that lets people confess their sins through their iPhones. The number one confession? Taking the Lord's name in vain after the iPhone drops your call." –Jay Leno

David Letterman's "Top Ten President Obama Celebrated Anniversary

David Letterman's "Top Ten Ways President Obama Celebrated His Two-Year Anniversary In Office"

10. Spelled 'Two Years' on the south lawn of the White House with cigarette butts
9. Romantic dinner with his favorite teleprompter
8. Loaded staffers on a party bus and drove to Pittsburgh
7. Surprised Joe Biden with an open heart necklace from Kay Jewelers
6. Watched Miss Arkansas and her dummies on Dave
5. Went on one of those staged 'I'm a regular guy' burger runs
4. Climbed into a hot bubble bath and read Snooki's book
3. Pardoned Brett Favre
2. Same way President Bush celebrated two years in office: invaded Iraq
1. Began his campaign to replace Regis

Conan O'Brien Political Jokes Patdowns,Sarah Palin and Cyber Monday

"Yesterday a woman wore a bikini to LAX airport hoping to avoid the patdown. She is still being patted down." —Conan O'Brien

"Monday was a big online shopping day called 'Cyber Monday.' Immediately followed by 'Identity Theft Tuesday.'" —Conan O'Brien

"In a recent interview, Sarah Palin said we have to stand with 'our North Korean allies.' When told that North Korea is not our ally, Palin said, 'Sorry, I meant East Korean allies.'" —Conan O'Brien

"President Obama has set aside over 180 million acres of land for polar bears. When Sarah Palin heard about it, she said, 'Todd, get my gun.'" —Conan O'Brien

David Letterman Jokes Grinch Stole the Midterm Elections

"Sarah Palin's new show is a huge hit and producers are saying that no endangered species were harmed — except for the Democrats." –David Letterman

"Palin says they do a lot of huntin', a lot of hikin', and a lot of fishin'. I won't be watchin'." –David Letterman

"President Obama has a children's book. It's called, 'How the Grinch Stole the Midterm Elections.'" –David Letterman

"The TSA has changed airport security guidelines. Now you can have an extensive body pat-down or a naked scan. I think I speak for everybody when I say, "Hey, why can't we have both?" –David Letterman

Craig Ferguson Political Jokes about President Obama and Taxes Cuts

"President Obama is trying to back the Republicans into a corner by paying for tax cuts for small businesses with tax hikes on big business. It's like that old trick when you take two balls and throw one in the air to distract your opponent and throw the other one right at his chest. That's right, I can explain abstract fiscal policy using analogies about balls. Tomorrow night we will discuss trickle-down economics." –Craig Ferguson

"I'm not a political expert, but I think going after the rich is a good idea in an election year, or any other year for that matter. Because let's face it, rich people are bastards. Even rich people would agree with that. They're like, 'It's true, now hand me another golden sausage.'" –Craig Ferguson

"So far rich people have been very quiet about the possibility of getting taxes raised on them, but that doesn't mean they won't get mad about it, it just means they don't know about it. Because it takes a while for bad news to reach a rich person. First their accountant has to tell the butler, who has to tell the servant, who wouldn't dare interrupt their game of croquet." –Craig Ferguson
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Jay Leno Jokes About President Obama

"Last night in only his second Oval Office address, President Obama announced the end of Operational Iraqi Freedom. He said we have given the Iraqis a Western-style government. Well, we certainly have, haven't we? Their economy is in shambles, their Congress is corrupt, the country is broke, welcome aboard!" –Jay Leno

"Before President Obama's address, he called former President George W. Bush. I'm not saying the economy is bad, but he called collect." –Jay Leno

"I guess they had a pretty cordial conversation. President Bush said for the last 19 months, he's been relaxing and playing golf. President Obama said, 'You too?'" –Jay Leno

"President Obama said that too many Americans are struggling to find jobs. You know what these Americans are going to be called? Democrats." –Jay Leno

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Jay Leno Political Jokes gay marriage

"According to the National Enquirer, Bristol Palin has called of her engagement with Levi Johnston after finding out that he also got his ex-girlfriend Lanesia Garcia pregnant. Forget the oil spill, can someone put a cap on this guy." –Jay Leno

"Happy birthday to President Obama. If you want to get him a present, he's registered at Bed, Bath, and Blame Bush." –Jay Leno

"They got him a huge cake. He didn't blow out the candles, he just taxed them until they gave up and went out on their own." –Jay Leno

"A California judge has overruled California's ban on gay marriage. Finally gay men can marry someone other than Liza Minelli. ... Wedding planners can now plan their own weddings." –Jay Leno

"Just a few weeks after they announced their engagement, Bristol Palin claims that she has officially broken things off with Levi Johnston after he told her he may have gotten another woman pregnant. That's always the deal breaker, isn't it? Apparently they agreed to be abstinent until they were married, Levi just thought it meant with Bristol." –Jay Leno

"How can we pull 130,000 men out of Iraq when we can't even get Levi to pull out of his own girlfriend." –Jay Leno

"The price of coffee has surged to a 12-year high. It's getting so expensive that BP is thinking about spilling some." –Jay Leno

"Billionaire Republican and former eBay CEO Meg Whitman says she has spent more 99 million of her own money to get elected of governor of California. I think she thinks it's like eBay, the office goes to the highest bidder." –Jay Leno

"How can she be governor of California You know, she has not been in one single 'Terminator' movie." –Jay Leno

"Congressman Charlie Rangel and Congresswoman Maxine Waters met this to work out their new number one issue: prison reform." –Jay Leno

"Congressman Rangel has been accused of 13 ethics violations, or as they call it in Washington, fundraising." –Jay Leno

"Raul Castro said that his government will ease controls on small businesses, will lay off unnecessary workers, and will allow more self-employment. Apparently, he sees how bad socialism is working in America, they don't want it o happen there." –Jay Leno

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Jimmy Kimmel Political Jokes Proposition 8

"A federal judge overturned Proposition 8, which banned gay marriage in California, which came as great news for both gays and wedding planners. Although that might be redundant." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Opponents of gay marriage will now appeal to the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco - good luck there. You’d have better luck with a show of hands at a Lady Gaga concert." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Happy birthday to President Obama. Republicans tried to block his birthday but they didn't have enough votes, so it went through and the President was able to turn 49 today right on schedule." –Jimmy Kimmel

"BP says they've been able to seal the leak in the Gulf of Mexico. They were popping champagne to celebrate, but then they had trouble controlling the flow of the champagne and destroyed their entire office." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Wyclef Jean has announced that he will run for president of Haiti. He said he hopes the Haitian people will look past the fact that he has very little political experience and forgive him for that horrible remake of 'We Are the World.'" –Jimmy Kimmel
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David Letterman Political Jokes President Obama

"At one time, Barack Obama lived in New York City. Obama hasn't lived in this apartment here in New York City since 1981, but oddly enough, it's still where he picks up his Pottery Barn catalogs." –David Letterman

"You remember the guy who tried to blow up his car in Times Square? Now, they arrested a couple of guys in New Jersey who were also going to be terrorists, and they trained to become terrorists. Every week, they would play paintball. Next step, honestly, was laser tag." –David Letterman

"Sarah Palin is now saying that President Obama needs to make sure that these oil companies act ethically and responsibly. This from a woman who shoots wolves from a helicopter." –David Letterman----Follow On Twitter

Top Ten Signs the Nobel Prize Has Gone to President Obama's Head

David Letterman's Top Ten Signs the Nobel Prize Has Gone to President Obama's Head

10. Ends every argument with, "Yeah, and how many Nobel Prizes have you won?"
9. Announced plans to send 30,000 troops to Target to do his Christmas shopping.
8. Thinks he also has a good shot at winning the Heisman Trophy.
7. Gave himself a ten billion dollar bailout.
6. Last night he crashed a party thrown by the Salahis.
5. Spending fewer hours at work than Bush.
4. Hired scientists to make his Nobel Prize capable of holding 10,000 songs.
3. Now refers to his abs as "The Situation."
2. Sits around all day massaging his cat.
1. Claims he can bring peace to Tiger Woods' house
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Judge dismisses Obama eligibility challenge

California - A California judge has dismissed a complaint challenging President Obama’s eligibility to be president citing the “birth certificate from the state of Hawaii” that apparently refers to an Internet image of a “Certification of Live Birth” released during Obama’s campaign. The ruling came from Judge David Carter who recently hired a law clerk out of the law firm that has been paid nearly $1.7 million to defend Obama from such eligibility challenges....More---Follow On Twitter----Premium Domain Names

Guess What, Suddenly President Obama's Daughters Have Had The H1N1 Vaccine..???

After Political Roast and like minded Internet websites questioned why President Obama wasn't getting his family vaccinated with the H1N1 vaccine.....Guess what The White House releases information that his Daughters were vaccinated last week!...Wow, you would think that would have been news last week....?

Obama’s Daughters Get the H1N1 Vaccine

The White House announced today that the president’s daughters received the H1N1 vaccine after it became available to Washington, D.C. schoolchildren.

The vaccine was administered last week to Malia, 11, and Sasha, 8, by a White House physician, who applied for and received the vaccine from the D.C. Department of Health, “using the same process as every other vaccination site in the District,” according to the first lady’s Press Secretary Katie McCormick-Lelyveld.

The president and first lady have not yet received the vaccination. The White House said they will wait until the needs of priority target groups -- young people under 24, pregnant women, and people with underlying conditions -- receive theirs first.....More---
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Why hasn't President Obama and his family gotten the H1N1 Vaccine?

Reports found on the internet and Fox news are saying President Obama's daughters have not gotten the H1N1 vaccine. So why is he telling the rest of the population to get the vaccine???

President Obama's school age daughters have not been vaccinated against the H1N1 flu virus. White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs says the vaccine is not available to them based on their risk.

The Centers for Disease Control recommend that children ages 6 months through 18 years of age receive a vaccination against the H1N1 flu virus.....More---
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