"I'm very excited about the show. I hope you folks are as well because, I'll tell you what, former President Bill Clinton is on the show tonight. Going to be great. Two old guys talking about their bypasses." --David Letterman
"Bill Clinton is here for a very important reason. He heard that CBS had an opening in the 10 p.m. slot. Wants to be right there." --David Letterman
"You know who was here last night? President Barack Obama was here last night. Politics notwithstanding, what a graceful guy. I mean, after the show, he was nice enough to autograph my swine-flu mask." --David Letterman
"It's opening week at the U.N., ladies and gentlemen. Security is very tight here in New York City. A lot of dictators all over the city. You know what I've noticed? Dictators tend to be tiny. Have you noticed this? Kim Jong Il, a tiny little guy. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Another guy like this: Mayor Bloomberg." --David Letterman
"Mahmoud Ahmadinejad kicked things off with a hate-filled rant, followed by hors d'oeuvres." --David Letterman
"Ahmadinejad, quite a speech, that guy. I mean, where is Joe Wilson when you need him, for God's sakes?" --David Letterman
"This sure should be very exciting at the U.N. General Assembly. It's being hosted by Neil Patrick Harris." --David Letterman
"If you wanted to, you could get on the eBay and you could bid on having dinner with Sarah Palin. Did you know that? Yep, you could bid on it. And the winning bid was $63,000. You get to sit down and have dinner. Of course, you know, for that price - people say that's a lot of money - she'll shoot the main course." --David Letterman
"It's the most expensive date with a governor since Eliot Spitzer." --David Letterman
"That's a lot of money. But you can sit down with Sarah Palin, spend a couple hours; really get to know her. You know, it's the thing John McCain should have done a year ago." --David Letterman
"Last week, Dick Cheney had buck surgery. You know Dick Cheney? Dick 'Shotgun' Cheney? You know, it's the complications from carrying Bush for eight years. That's what it was." --David Letterman
"Doctors are optimistic about the surgery. They said Cheney's back surgery was quite risky but not necessary. Risky but not necessary. So it's like the Iraq war." --David LettermanFollow On Twitter----Premium Domain Names
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