"I don't know if you remember. We threw Gray Davis, the former governor, out of the office because he wasn't running the state effectively enough. Now, we're burning to the ground and holding garage sales on eBay to pay our bills. This is what we get for hiring cheap foreign labor." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Meanwhile, in New York, Governor David Paterson has been busy for the last couple of weeks trying to shave off his beard. And he did it. He did it with Gillette's new Seeing Eye Razor." --Jimmy Kimmel
"This makes Governor Paterson the first governor to get rid of his beard since former New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey filed for divorce back in, I think, '06." --Jimmy Kimmel
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