"Things are getting tough for President Obama. Every day, he slips a couple of points in the approval. He's now at 45 percent, mainly because of this healthcare thing. You know things are bad. Today, Bo refused to go to the vet if he had to use the public option." --Jimmy Fallon
"I read today that former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer is considering running for the Senate. In fact he's already holding fundraisers: $500 for the full hour and $300 for a half hour." --Jimmy Fallon
"In preparation for the swine flu outbreak, colleges all over the country are warning students to avoid kissing, drinking games, and using drugs. College students have reacted to the news by immediately getting the swine flu." --Jimmy Fallon
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