It's a great day for President Barack Obama. He's getting ready for a speech he's giving to schoolchildren tomorrow. And he said he wants the speech to be at third grade level, so he tested it on Joe Biden." --Craig Ferguson
"There's a big brouhaha going on at the Venice Film Festival, because the guests this year include Michael Moore and the Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez. That was the guy that called George Bush 'El Diablo.' Now, people are saying that the festival shouldn't have invited that crazy America-hating lunatic, or Hugo Chavez." --Craig Ferguson
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