"Of course, you know President Obama yesterday created quite a stir, because he apparently called Kanye West a jackass. Yeah, well, some people are now upset with President Obama for calling Kanye a jackass. They're upset about it. Yeah, and Joe Biden is furious, because 'Jackass' is his Secret Service code name.'" --Conan O'Brien
"In Connecticut — this is weird — one of the Republican candidates running for Congress is the former CEO of the W.W.E. wrestling organization, which could be good. Congressmen will be less likely to scream out, 'You lie!' if they could get hit with a folding chair." --Conan O'Brien
"Yesterday, former President Jimmy Carter said that Congressman Joe Wilson's outburst during President Obama's speech last week was based on racism. When Joe Wilson heard that, he said, 'I can't get mad at Jimmy Carter. He's white.'" --Jimmy Fallon
"Joe Wilson is now the only United States congressman to be formally rebuked for speaking out while the President was giving an address. That could explain his Secret Service codename, 'Kanye.'" --Jimmy Fallon
'Yesterday, Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke said it is 'very likely' that the recession is over. I hope this isn't like when President Bush told us the war in Iraq was over.' –Jimmy Kimmel
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